do you ever feel like there’s just so many pretty girls but most dudes are just subpar like there are radiant goddesses everywhere and just piles and piles of guys in backwards baseball caps and sandals
it’s called makeup
you can put eyeliner on a frat boy that doesn’t change the fact that’s he’s wearing a neon muscle shirt and nike flip flops
True story girls don’t get off to your dick pics they just like collecting them
Honestly i’ve never really fapped to a nude
it’s like hey cool i got a boobs or hey cool look at that darn booty. They’re like trading cards, but you don’t trade them coz that’s rude
Maggie remembers the war.
This calls for a #DogsOfCracked cute-off. Briscoe says take this:
And Christina H’s pooch Frobolome enters the rumble…
This is Stormageddon “Craig” Harrison, and he likes to party.
All you motherfuckers brought “sweet” to a Cute Fight.
That was taken after a trip to the dog park, which we take EVERY SINGLE MORNING, even when I’m hungover, which is LOTS. He plays with his dog-friends and if no one else is there, we do WIND SPRINTS to keep us both SHARP. I am Dog Mom Supreme.
Neutrino wonders at the disproportionate number of non-cats among Cracked writers’ pets. I mean we’re meant to be working on the internet.
This is my plant. I don’t know what kind it is. It gets too much sun, or not enough or something. Anyway, it’s dying, but in a cute way.
Plastinated circulatory system
I don’t want that inside of me
look if you unironically say ‘money can’t buy happiness’ then either you’ve never faced a real financial struggle or you’ve achieved enlightenment, because goddamn does financial security feel an awful lot like happiness when it’s something you’re not used to
the word “sabotage” is p much short for “fucking shit up with a wooden shoe”
fucking shit up with a wooden shoe
oh my god
well wooden shoe look at that
I’M FUCKING CRYING AT THAT PUN BE MY FRIEND PLEASE